| So i havent updated in a while so i'm doin it now. I've had alot on my mind and nothings really been wrong. I've been fine and as happy as i can been but just been thinkin bout alot of things. Um..we've got ourselves a house. how exciting right? OUR house..and we dont have to live next to the bitch anymore. Today i decided to be really mean and i stuck gum on her mail box. lol but thats okay. So 2mrw i'm babysitting some little boy that i've never met but i love kids so this should be good. and i get money so it'll be cool. :) Anyways. School is alright. I dont talk to Alyssa still and not planning to. Sometimes she just makes me so mad. Like when she trys to talk to me. Thats great that she is trying to make an effort or whatever but we're really not friends so i dont understand why she trys to talk to me. Zach. Well we were fine and we started talking. Well i guess we are fine but we havent talked much. But talking to him really made me relize how much i really still care about him and i really need to get over him. But also, talking to him made me relize how much i dont want to talk to him. Its really weird and i cant figure it out but i'll get over him and find someone new..hopefully. I dunno! Theres this reallly hot guy..who shall remain nameless..man he's so hot and i met him on Thursday (@ the freshman SP vs. RR game) and he asked for my number..and well he got it! (sh! lol) but its alright cuz i mean..he's a junior and she so freakin hot! So i'm starting dance again..exciting! lol i'm on pointe and my toess hurrrt but its okay i'll get used to it..i just got to warm up to it again cause i havent danced since the summer and thats a long time for me considering i've been doing it for 10 freakin years now! Um i dont know i'm not doin much right now so i'm going to go take a bath and think about some stuff.. :/ i love you. </3
its all or nothin..give ur everything
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| | Current Music: | Nelly and Tim McGraw..Over and over | | Subject: | Cuz its all in my head | | Time: | 09:52 pm | | Current Mood: | happy |
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| WE WON! SP vs. Leander HS.. GoO TiGeRs!
1 practice, 1 game left! I'm so excited, i cant wait til its over and i can sleep in.. =) Nothin much has been going on. I'm gettin my hair done 2mrw (Saturday!) ..finally.. I'll write more later!
Good Job ladies!
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| | Current Music: | tHe TeLeViSiOn | | Subject: | lately | | Time: | 08:57 pm | | Current Mood: | blah |
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| | So..2 more games..1 more practice. My parents leave sunday. For a week. To arazona to see my sister, brother in-law, neice and nephew. Oh how i'm jealous. Saturday, i'm suposed to get my hair done. YAY =) ..I got a lettin the mail from court, my case is closed. However, I still have 2 yrs probation and i have to go back to court. But the fact that it'll be closed and off my record..Man thats so great! Alot of people have been getting on my nerves..I havent had much patience! Nothin interesting has been going on, i'll write more later! XOXO!~eMiLy~
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| | Current Music: | tHe TeLeViSiOn | | Subject: | Break free. | | Time: | 08:54 pm | | Current Mood: | blah |
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| I shed one tear, one tear for you. For all the pain you put me through. You made me hurt, you made me cry- You even made me want to die. All the nights you left me cold, No place to run, no place to go. I couldnt help but cry when i tried to sleep- Crying out for help but know one heard me. But, looking back on my past, Thinking about what i had and how it didnt last. Things weren't always what they seemed.. Now i look in the mirror- And all that i see, is a failure in disquise hiding the real me. I was stuck inside someone else's dream.. Reaching out - Trying to break free. Trying to find the real me.
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| I havent updated my journal in a while so i am now! I've been alright i guess, I'm really sick but i'm not sure whats wrong with me. All i kno is that im sick and i wont be okay. My dads sick too..Hes got a new disease..Gr8 huh? I was told he has atleast 10 yrs before he passes..I never liked him for what he did to me. Being so mean to me, saying and doing the things he did to me that hurt me so much. I hate him.. But he always tried to be there for me and be the father that i've never had. However, i never gave him that 2nd chance, now that im sick, and he's got 10 years it's like i HAVE to give him that 2nd chace..10 yrs can be a long time for someone but a short time to others and well, when i got the news, i cried. I never thought it would hit me this way and so hard. I never knew what it would feel like to actually hear that he had atleast 10 years. I never knew what it would feel like to actually hear that i only had about 10 years. GoD sEnD mE aN aNgEl.
Anyways, We have 3 games, 4 practices left of volleyball. Thank god. I really like to play volleyball..I've been working really hard (even w/ a fucked up knee and a hurt back) Waking up @ 5, getting to school @ 6:25 for treatment, going to practice from 7-8:15ish. It may come off to some people that i dont want to be there, that i dont care and i dont want to play but i do. Actually, if i didnt want to go, then i wouldnt bother at all. Anyways back to my point..I like volleyball alot, but Coach Dukes, man..She makes it no fun..No fun at all. I'm debating if i want to do it next year, hopefully i can work really hard this summer and stuff and maybe..just maybe make varsity. That would be so cool but very unlikely. I just kno i like Coach Williams better than Rebe!
Enough of that! Theres been alot of drama at school. I lost 2 of my friends..Well i didnt lose them, i've decided that i'm better than that and i dont need people who are going to hurt me like they did. So i've gotton used to them not being around and its not bothering me at all. Its great actually. I dont hate them but i dont like them but whatever! I've really just learned that you cant belive what you hear and the people who you think are your true friends, really arent.
I'm done for now. We're officially moving by December. I know i've said that for the past month or whatever..Its official. Im excited. XxOoXxOo..*eMiLy*
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| | Current Music: | tHe RaIn | | Subject: | *sigh* | | Time: | 10:15 pm | | Current Mood: | tired |
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| Yesterday, I cried. I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed, kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra, and I had myself a good cry. I'm telling you, I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse i got on sale. I cried until my ears were hot. I cried umtil my head was hurting so bad that i could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet. I want you to understand, I had myself a really good cry yesterday. Yesterday, I cried, For all the days that i was too busy, or too tired, or too mad to cry. I cried for all the days, and all the ways, and all the times i had dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected m Self from myself, only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others did to me the same things i had already done to myself. I cried for all the things i had givin, only to have them stolen; for all the things i had asked for that had yet to show up; for all the things i had accomplished, only to give them away, to people in circumstances whch left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used. I cired because there really does come a time when the only thing left for you to do is cry. Yesterday, i cried. I creid because little boys get left by their daddies; and little girls get forgotton my their mommies; and daddies dont know what to do, so they leave; and mommies get left, so they get mad. I creid because i had a little boy, and because i was a little girl, and because i was a mommy who didnt kno what to do, and because i wanted my daddy to be there for me so badly until i ached. Yesterday, i creid. I cried because I hurt. I cried because i was hurt. I cried because hurt has no place to go except deeper into the pain that cause it in the first place, and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up. I cried because it was too late. I cried because it was time. I cried because my soul knew that i didnt know that my soul knew everything that i needed to know. I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good. It felt so very, very bad. In the midst of my crying, i felt my freedom coming, Because, Yesterday, i cried.
Angry tears spill forth from the outsdie corner of the eye, making them easier to wipe away as they come at unexpected moments and umappropriate times. They origionate in the ego-the part of our being that presents to the world who we think we are. Angry tears create heat and stiffness in the body, because when we are angry, we usually dont know how to express what we feel. We definently dont want anyone to know when we are angry, because anger is not acceptable or polite. Rather than dispaly anger, we hold back, and the tears rach forth, shattering our self-image. More important, angry tears reveal to those around us our vulneralbilities. This, we belive, is not a wise thing to do. Sad tears spill forth from the inside corner of the eye, finding their way across our nose, cheeks and lips. For some reason we always lick sad tears. We kno that they are salty, and the things that bring them forth are usually the bitter experiences in life. Sad tears come from the heart. They usually bring a bending of the shoulders and a drooping of the head. Frightened tears take up the entire eye, clouding our vision, as fear will do. When we are frightened, we cannot see or think, Frightened tears are usually big tears that well up in the eye. They spill over the whole faces. Frieghtened tears come from the soles od the feet. They shoot thru the body and create tremling or shaking. Same-fill tears are tears which fall when we are alone with our thoughts and feelings. Shame-filled tears come when we're judging ourselves, criticizing ourselves, or beating up on ourselves for soemthing purely human that we have done yet cant explain to ourselves or to others. Shame-filled tears come from the put of the stomach and usually cause us to bend over-not in pain, but in anguish. Combination tears are the worst tears of all. They are filled with anger and sadness, with fear and shame. They have a devastating effect on the body, bringing the stiffness and anger, the dropping of sadness, the trembling of fear, and the bending of shame. They make you cold when you are hot. They make you tremble when you are trying to keep still. Most of all, they make you nausiated. | comments: Leave a comment  |
| "I kept the right ones out And let the wrong ones in Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins There were times in my life When I was goin' insane Tryin' to walk through The pain When I lost my grip And I hit the floor Yeah, I thought I could leave, but couldn't get out the door I was so sick and tired Of a livin' a lie I was wishin' that I Would die
It's amazing With the blink of an eye, you finally see the light It's amazing When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright It's amazing And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
That one last shot's a permanent vacation And how high can you fly with broken wings? Life's a journey, not a destination And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl Before you learn to walk But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk I was out on the street, Just a tryin' to survive Scratchin' to stay alive
It's amazing With the blink of an eye, you finally see the light It's amazing When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright It's amazing And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight."
I havent updated this in a LONG time. Things are good. Me and Zach broke up for reasons i cant explain simply cause i dont know but its alright, I'm fine. School is ok. Its pretty boring but i'm passing all my classes so far. Volleyball is going good i guess. Practice is early early in the morning and its really tiring. Things are okay. I've had a couple days where its been a emotional rollercoaster and i've started up on some stuff that i retired a while back ago. I'm happy regardless of what happens, i'm just learning to stay in my happy place and not let things so little hit me so hard. I'm learning to forget everything that happened in the past and move on, start from new. I'm accepting my dad into my life, letting him know that its okay. I'm slowing forgiving him for what he's done to hurt me so bad to make me hate myself, my life and him. And i'm forgiving everyone for the hurtful things said or done that was built up in my heart. And i'm living my days one day at a time. I couldnt be happier right now, I've learned so much while i was trying to find out who i was and what i wanted in life. XOXO always. | comments: Leave a comment  |
| | I havent done much, havent had time to write in this thing. I've been busy with Vball and school. It sucks..So StUpId. I went to the mall today for the first time since i got arrested and i had a $150 bux..man that stuff goes by fast. I got 5 shirts, 1 skirt, a purse, lotion and a belt and nacklace and braclet. Oh yeah, i got Zachary Austin 2 shirts! <3 :o) I dont think i'm going to do anything tonight unless Zach calls me and he can do something if he makes time for me! Which i hope he will..Cause i miss him and i want to see him.. :( But yeah, i'll write more later whenever i have time .. LoVe Ya!
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| | I've been so busy with school and volleyball that i dont have time to write in this stupid thing. But i'm going to try to keep up with it. I'm gettin my hair done today..Zach said i should put more brown in it but im not sure cause i was going to go blonder. He's in..umm well i dont know..he's out of town for football. So..while i'm here doing nothing and being bored off my ass, He's knocking people out..Get gettin knocked out! I hope he doesnt get hurt!..speaking of getting hurt..I spraigned my FINGER. During Volleyball practice and it hurts SO bad and its really really fat and really really ugly..its gross..but anyways.. <3 .. Me and Zach have officially been together for a month =) things couldnt get any better. I'm SO happy when i'm with him.. =D Um next tuesday we have a game..Idk where it is Exactly but its away so we have to ride a bus there BUT i think this time, we'll have our own bus or something cause Freshman A team is going somewhere different from Freshman B team. So i dont know where JV and Varsity is going or if they have a game at all. MY Schedule is so stupid and i dont like it. I dont have any classes with anyone that im really good friends with. Not even Zach. I get to see him in the hall way though..And i get A lunch on B days with him.. =( It sucks. I dont really know what else to write about so i'll just stop writing random things. ~!I hOpE eVeRyOnEs DoInG gReAt!~ | comments: Leave a comment  |
| I've been so busy with volleyball and school i havent had much time to get online. i dont like HS much. Its really boring and i cant stand being in a room for an hour and a half. i go crazy. i dont really like my scedule but at the same time i do..i dont have any classes with zach which really really sucks but i get to see him in the hallway and i have A lunch w/ him on B days so atleast i get to see him..its better than nothing! i like him sOoOoOo much and i'm soOoOoOo happy and i finally told him that! Friday is our 1 month so we're goin to do something hopefully..i really hope so..there is a stupid school dance on friday and i dont wanna go! alot of stuff is going on. at home..with Kristen. Its really hard and i'm having a hard time dealing with it. All i ever do is cry..I cry myself to sleep at nights. Its really sad and i dont know what to do. I just need someone to talk to but the only person who i really can talk to, is going thru the same thing and i'm scared. scared for me and here and i love her so much and i hate seeing her hurt. i hate to hurt. but enough about that i'll write more later..whenever i can and when im not busy!
And i love to hear that you love me for me.
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| What i've been wanting to say, what i've been wanting to tell you. YoU mAkE mE fEeL lIkE nO oThEr. I'm comfortable when i'm with you. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make everything worth while. I really am truly happy when i'm with you. I lOvE bEiNg WiTh YoU.
Everything has been going too good. I'm so happy and i love it. I'm glad things ended between me and Darius. I dont think i wouldve been this happy, i dont think anything would've worked out. I love being with Zach! Yess sirree! Volleyball has taken over my live..I have no life other than VOLLEYBALL. Its kinda sad but whatever! I'lll write more later! LoVe YoU!
Oh yeah, i'm done with all my stuff that i had to do from being arrested. I can send it into court now! =)
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| ABOUT YOU Your first name: Emily Age:: 14 Height:: 5'4 1/2 Natural hair color:: blonde Eye color:: green Number of siblings:: 2 Glasses/contacts?:: yes Piercings:: ears..i want my belly button.. Tattoos:: Nope Braces?:: nope
FAVORITE Color:: PiNK Band:: Dont Have One Song:: Whiskey Lullaby..=) Stuffed animal:: ALL my DuCkIeS! Video game:: Dont play video games TV show:: dOnt watch much TV anymOre.. Movie:: Save the last dAnce Book:: Yea, like i read. Food:: TacO bell! YUMM Game on a cell phone:: I dont play games on my phone unless i'm REALLY bored..random! CD cover:: IDK Flower:: White Roses Scent:: LoVe sPeLL Animal:: Ducks..Puppies Comic book:: Yea , i dont read. Cereal:: Anything yummy Website:: IDK Cartoon:: umm..
DO YOU Play an instrument?:: Nope Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?:: Um..Dont think so. Like to sing?:: Sometimes! Have a job?:: Nope Have a cell phone?:: Yess Like to play sports?:: Yup Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: Nope Have a crush on someone?:: Yeesss..Zachary Austin Fletcher. =) Live somewhere NOT in the united states?:: No Have more than 5 TVs in your house?:: Umm..we have like 4. Have any special talents/skills?:: Not Really, im too lazy to have a talent. Excercise daily?:: Yup..Dont wanna be no FAT.ASS! Like school?:: No i hate it. But its cool getting to see everyone daily!
CAN YOU Sing the alphabet backwards?:: No and im not gonna try! Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?:: Yes (im very bendy) Speak any other languages?:: Nope Go a day without food?:: Nope Stay up for more than 24 hours?:: Maybe Read music, not just tabs?:: Huh? Roll your tongue?:: Huh? Eat a whole pizza?:: No, but its definatley worth a try!
HAVE YOU EVER Snuck out of the house?:: Yes Cried to get out of trouble?:: Yes Gotten lost in your city?:: Yes.. Seen a shooting star?:: YUP! Been to any other countries besides the united states?:: No Had a serious surgery?:: No Stolen something important to someone else?:: No Solved a rubiks cube?:: No, those are way to hard for me! Gone out in public in your pajamas?:: Of Courrrse Cried over a girl?:: Yes, my best friend..= / Cried over a boy?:: Of course Kissed a random stranger?:: No Hugged a random stranger?:: Yes Been in a fist fight?:: Nope Been arrested?:: Yes Done drugs?:: Yes Had alcohol?:: Yes Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?:: No.... Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?:: Of course! Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?:: Nope, im not that dumb. Swore at your parents?:: ALLL the time.. Been to warped tour?:: No im not into that kinda music. Kicked a guy where it hurts?:: hahah, oh yes. Been in love?:: Yeeees! Been close to love?:: Yeeees! Been to a casino?:: No Ran over an animal and killed it?:: No Broken a bone?:: No Gotten stitches?:: Yes! My brother dropped me and i fell on my head and busted it open..(yes, thats why i'm so stupid.) Had a waterballoon fight in winter?:: Nope Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?:: umm No Made homemade muffins?:: Not Sure. Bitten someone?:: Yup.. Been to disneyland/disneyworld?:: No More than 5 times?:: No Been to niagra falls?:: no Burped in someones face?:: Nope..nasty ass Gotten the chicken pox?:: Yes
WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU Brushed your teeth:: Like 5 min. ago Went to the bathroom:: umm like 20 mina go Saw a movie in theaters:: about a week ago. Read a book:: Oh gosh! Had a snow day:: Last Year Had a party:: Umm.. Had a slumber party:: IDK Made fun of someone:: today when some hoe came to my house.. Tripped in front of someone:: dunno..i learned how to walk when i was a young one..im pretty good at it. Went to the grocery store:: not sure.. Got sick:: long time ago Cursed:: Oh Gosh. Like 10 min ago.
PICK ONE Fruit/vegetables:: fruit Black/white:: black Lights on/lights off:: Off TV/movie:: Movie Car/truck:: TRUCK BABY!! Body spray/lotion:: lotion Cash/check:: Cash Pillows/blankets:: Pillows Headache/stomach ache:: headache.. Paint/charcoal:: Paint, charcoals too messy Chinese food/mexican food:: BOTH Summer/winter:: Winter Snow/rain:: RAin! Fog/misty:: Misty Rock/rap:: Rap Meat/vegetarian:: Meat Boy/girl:: I want a girl when i grow up. Chocolate/vanilla:: vanilla Sprinkles/icing:: Icing Cake/pie:: Cake French toast/french fries:: French toast Strawberries/blueberries:: Strawberries Ocean/swimming pool:: Ocean Hugs/kisses:: Kissses! Cookies/muffins:: Cookies p33n/bewbz:: umm wtf? Wallet/pocket:: Pocket Window/door:: Door Pink/purple:: PiNK Cat/dog:: Dog Long sleeve/short sleeve:: Short sleeve Pants/shorts:: Doesnt matter Winter break/spring break:: Spring Break Spring/autumn:: Spring Clouds/clear sky:: Clear Sky Moon/mars:: Moon
FRIENDSHIP How many friends do you have?:: Do u seriously expect me to count? What are their names?:: Again do u expect me to name all this? Do you have a best friend?:: Sarah..Kristen..Zach | comments: Leave a comment  |
| | Current Music: | 100.7 | | Subject: | WaVe On WaVe | | Time: | 11:55 am | | Current Mood: | bored |
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| | How to make a eemmiillyy08 |
Ingredients:
5 parts success
1 part crazyiness
5 parts joy |
Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little lovability if desired! |
Personality cocktailFrom Go-Quiz.comI havent done much today, i woke up at freakin 8 o'clock cause i couldnt sleep and then i hung up all my clothes and cleaned my room and took a shower and im about to get ready for volleyball..*sigh*..I started my fucking period..I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT! I wanna get on the pill SO bad! But whatever..I'll write more later! DuEcE! DuEcE! | comments: Leave a comment  |
| I had practice this after noon.. I went shopping..I got a jacket, 3 paris of jeans, a halter top, 2 tank tops and some socks..thats it..I'm so tired and we have a game tomorrow..(i dnt get to play cause i had to leave the scrimmage on sat. to go outta town) but i still have to go and the bus leaves there at like 3:00 so yeah..thats great. Not much has gone on. Cody got out of Jail today! I'm so exicted for him and Sarah although theres some bad news but hopefully he'll come and see me! Cant wait til our "cody, sarah and emily day" ..It'll be great! I'll write more later! LOVE YOU!! | comments: Leave a comment  |
| | Not much been goin on, i went out of town to the wonderful town of DeLeon. Not much is there at all..Kinda boring, i wouldnt be able to live there at all. I was being called a city girl..*iCaNtStAnDaLlThEsPiDeRs*..I saw my cousin Evan and the new baby. She is SO cute! Miss Macy Paige. She's 3 months, has the prettiest blue eyes and red hair i've ever seen. Precious. I saw Ashley too..(yes the one who tryed to kill herself) She looks horrible but still the same 'ol person who wants everything revolved around her but whatever..It was nice to see her outside of the mental hospitial. Me and Mom are going shopping tomorrow. With Sarah hopefully. Sarah is getting a puppy! AW! So cute i'm so happy and excited for her. I've got mixed emotions and i ALMOST cut but i didnt and im glad cause its not going to solve anything really..just make more nasty scars on my body..more than i already have and need. This weekend was long and some-what boring and i missed Zach..I cant wait to see him again! I'll write more later! LOVE YOU! | comments: Leave a comment  |
| | I mAdE tHe TeAm! WHOO HOO! SoOo..anyways, i havent done much, just spent alot of time with Kristen and Volleyball and stuff..I cant wait til tomorrow night, there's a Express game i need to go..to see Zach..I miss him! We're going out of town on Sat. I get to see Evan and the new baby! i'm so excited. Not much to say so i'll cut it short! Thanks to everyone who's supported me! LoVe YoU! | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment  |
| | I just got back from V-Ball like a whole hour ago! I did good and i'm excited! =) GOOD LUCK EVERYONE ELSE! Me and Zach are spose to do something tonight, i dont kno if we will, but we are spose to and i want to! I miss him..My HoT sExXaY mAn! =) ..man..Alrighty! well i dont have much to say..I'm just bored and i wanna update this thing cuz i'm a loser and i feel like it so yeah..HoLlA @cHa GiRl..jk..LOVE YOU! | comments: Leave a comment  |
| | Current Music: | me singing! | | Subject: | My salvation.. | | Time: | 09:49 am | | Current Mood: | tired |
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| So i just got home..From vball try outs! I DID IT! I ran the mile in 7:57..yes! Now i wont have to run it tomorrow and it'll be great. Today i was so nervous. I didnt do as well as i could but tomorrow will be better! I have to go back at 4. Me and Zach are going to do something today. My dad is giving me a 100 bucks i think =) Me and Sarah are going to go SCHOOL SHOPPING together! I <3 her SO much! This weekend is no tax weekend! EVERYONE SHOULD GO SHOPPING! Write more later when i get home! LoVe YoU!
Im.LoViN.AnGeLs.InStEaD | comments: Leave a comment  |
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